Epic Ponderings, Mosquito Wars, and a Question of Tomorrow

This post is not going to be normal, just a forewarning. I've had what seems a million jumbled and mismatched thoughts over the course of the last few days, and finally decided that what I needed most was to write and get it all (or mostly) out in a somewhat orderly fashion.

So, beginning with what has been buzzing on the news -- in every day to day conversation, in work places, in homes, and even the hairdresser's -- is, inevitably, the election of America's next President which has finally been decided. For one who should be more active and knowledgable in politics to even begin to think about writing about it, I won't attempt to try and talk about things I don't know. However, on a slightly irrelevent note, I will say that I enjoyed voting for my first time ever (and that it was miraculously quick and easy) and will certainly make every last effort to vote for each election to come. As far as who I voted for, anyone who knows me would guess Republican, and that is right. In short, I'm quite worried about what Barack Obama will bring to the White House. (Better him than Hilary, though . . .) After a lot of table talk around family dinners, spouted opinions of various fellow employees at Ruby Tuesday where I work, and news people's frenzied feedback on television, I've been listening a lot. But I should have been paying attention a long time ago.

Lately, I've been thinking that I just need to make sure I'm up to date on all the issues and pros and cons versus Obama and McCain (although this is now irrelevent), but really, I just should be paying attention to how our country is being run and how it will run, understanding the ways these powerful people across America make decisions every day -- decisions that could affect me more easily than I know. In all honesty, I'm not naturally drawn to politics. I'm just not interested. Plain and simple. But I darn well should be!

Really, all I know is that -- Obama or no Obama -- our country is in for the worst. It's coming, and I can just feel it. Is the end of the world coming? A common debate at work presently. I don't know the answer. No one can. But I do think it's a time where the world is becoming more backwards than ever before. Good is shamed as evil basks in the sun of worldly glory. Kill your unborn babies and save the whales, the trees, the environment, the polar bears. Rename marriage as the union between homosexuals, while spitting upon the definition of true marriage by living with your boyfriend or girlfriend with no second thought as to committing yourselves chastely in the pursuit of marriage. Oh, and don't ever "judge" those who are wallowing in sin because that's being prejudiced and biased and hypocritical (and probably throw racist in there somewhere). Honestly, WHAT is the world coming to?! I'm far from perfect, in that I know I'm proud, I'm lazy, (followed by many other things) and I have struggles, naturally. But is it stupidity or blindness to invite and nurture such evil into not only one's OWN life, but others' as well??

It seems to me that the world's perception of a good, well-taken-care-of family is something like this. The father and mother both have college degrees, the father works a good job, the mother has a nice part-time job and keeps healthy and fit, and their children are raised with "good morals" -- don't smoke, be nice to your siblings, play a good sport, don't date until you're 16, balance a good job and straight A's, pursue a good college education, graduate, get married, etc. etc. These things are all good to strive for (to an extent . . . I still don't think you should put an age to involvement in relationships, for example) but is that ALL anyone should strive for? Certainly any parent would want their children to be socially involved and skilled and intellectually developed and have morals and opinions, but aren't there more important things?

My prayer is that my children learn patience, integrity, honesty, loyalty, compassion, empathy, perseverence, love, faith, thoughtfulness, chastity . . . virtues like this in which to excell when all other opportunities can't seem to be found. Prayer to devote to and grow in. God to turn to in all things -- pain, joy, thankfulness, and need. Knowledge and a thirst for wisdom, in which to learn humility from. Patience, in which to be more easily joyful. Perseverence, in which to learn the rewards of a fight long fought and eventually won and in which to learn the triviality of instant gratification. Empathy, so they can learn love through the pain or struggles of others. These things help a child grow, strengthened with an armor that will protect them against temptations and challenges of the devil. It is so real -- evil -- and I believe that, for parents to successfully arm their child with these weapons, and through rooting out any bad influences throughout his life, that it is a treasure indeed, that child who is nurtured to resist the world whilst living in the world.

So, on a more random note, I have recently been battling a sworn enemy -- the mosquito. Now, no one likes these tiny bloodsucking rascals, but I detest no other insect more because I have sensitive, white skin which turns almost infectious at times when feasted upon by these little fiesty critters. So, imagine my immediate discomfort when, one night last week, I was slipping under my covers, settling in to fall asleep, when I heard the dreaded buzzing of a mosquito in my room. My first thought was "are you kidding me . . ." Reluctantly, I snapped my light on again, replaced my glasses and didn't rest until, fifteen minutes later (yes, fifteen, ridiculously enough), I was a mosquito slayer. Since the weather has been so lovely for early November, our screens get open and shut all day, so that's my hunch as to how they are navigating their way to my room, at least. So far, this has progressed almost every single night since last week and I have ruthlessly slaughtered a total of four mosquitos. If there was an award for the level of vengeance I have acheived in this one week, I would surely win. Alright, now I have unleashed my trivial frustrations about the little buggers and can move on to writing about bigger things.

In order to keep to the title of this particular blog post, the question (somewhat continuing on from what I was writing about before the mosquito interlude) is simply this. How will I raise my children in this world we live in? What greater task is a mother in this age called for than to bring up her children in godly ways in the hope that they will inspire others as an example? What greater terror than to worry if a mother would fail in this quest? To lose one or all of her children to sin? I am not as afraid as I was a year ago, when I was just barely dipping my toe into the world of college, that I will be able to succeed in this. I have God on my side, I have two fantastic families supporting me, and I stand by the man I love, the man I want to grow with for the rest of eternity, and I have unbelievable friends who uphold me and encourage me. How now, could I NOT succeed? I have faith. Courage is still growing, but the faith and the knowledge of direction is clear. I am getting married to the most wonderful Orthodox man, and I will raise an Orthodox family. What more than being a godly wife and mother should a woman strive for?

I used to think that feeling invincible was something like standing on a mountain top with a bow and arrow slung across your back, wind blowing your hair, a knife in your hand, at the pinnacle of the world; now, feeling invincible will feel like having my husband at my side, my children around me, before the face of God.

I am nineteen. I understand this. What do I know? No, seriously, WHAT do I know?? I have hardly any experience in the world, let alone enough knowledge of God and the Orthodox church. I have not wisdom nor humility nor patience. I have talent, and in writing out my thoughts, I can attempt to organize them, but not much more. What do I know? How could one such as me be ready for marriage or having a child in the face of things? I think that if your heart truly craves nothing more, and if you are growing and striving for it, in the process, you will become ready. And that is how I am right now. I am growing to be ready.

So, these are some of those thoughts that have been sprinting across my mind recently, and it just feels so good to write them out. It's a fantastic release for me, and helps me see what I'm thinking in print. Thanks for reading, and as always, feel free to comment. :)

Cheers!

Natalie