Are You ALIVE?

Do you live to your fullest potential? Does anyone, for that matter?

This is something I've been wondering, struggling with, and striving to TRY to achieve for the last several years. What a crazy concept...

So, what would it look like, say, if you dared to live on the edge? Is that living to your fullest potential? Whatever it is, it's surely not safe. I live a pretty safe life. It's a great life, don't get me wrong - it's wonderful - but do I take risks? Hardly. Do I try to live outside of my comfort zone? Not if I can help it.

It sure seems like the simplest things are the most difficult to accomplish. And more, we all know deep down exactly HOW to accomplish these things, but we just don't DO it! That, I believe is the difference between people who live to their fullest potential and those who play it safe. The people out there actually living their lives are the ones who take action.

What is action?

I know what it looks like. I'm not sure exactly what it can be defined as, but I can certainly recognize it. The people that are action-driven are the ones who are interesting, always have an intriguing story they have experienced, always doing something new, saying yes - they are the people out there actually LIVING the life that is to be had. So what kind of people aren't action people? They are not necessarily boring - they're just safe. These people stick with the familiar. They don't change easily because they like the security of "safeness." And some people - perhaps the ones that probably struggle the most with all of this action stuff - are right in between. The majority, possibly, of people struggle with wanting to live a bit more dangerously to open new experiences and ways of looking at life, and sometimes they get that breakthrough, but then they get timid again, and shrink back into their safe little hidey hole of being safe, because that's what safe people do. It's difficult to change.

So then, what holds people back from actually living to their full potential? (And if you step back and just scrape the surface of thinking through what exactly your potential could be... it's quite an experience in itself.) I think it has to do with fear, doubt, denial... those kinds of things. Some people are just plain scared of what could happen if they let go of the controls of their life. Something could happen that might be uncomfortable, bad, or just unwanted. For the doubtful... well, these people need to put some trust into hands much bigger than theirs. Their lives could be so much more colorful than their black, grey, and white minds can imagine. And for those in denial? That's the first sign in any situation that someone could really need what they are refusing so zealously.

I think mainly, the fear of knowing that if we let go, something will happen that we don't want.

But just think. Take a few minutes and THINK about what you could do (yes, that's an action word.) And then... when you've come up a few things you would love to do but need a little boost of courage to go out and DO, just DO it!!

I recently watched a movie with Caleb which turned out to become one of our favorites with Jim Carrey entitled "Yes, Man!" If any of you have seen it, you can easily see how this blog post of disorganizedly-written thoughts was inspired by thinking about this movie. For those of you who haven't seen it - it's about a character named Carl (played by Carrey), who seems to say "no" to nearly everything, and consequently lives a pretty sorry and miserable life. The movie continues on and Carl bumps into an old friend who says he has started living his life thanks to a program entitled Yes, Man! He slips a pamphlet into Carl's pocket and encourages him to come with him to the Yes, Man! convention. So the story goes on, Carl ends up slowly starting to say the word Yes to every opportunity that presents itself, and unbelievably, his life gets better as a result of this simple little word, and he becomes a more wonderful, interesting, colorful, LIVING person.

The movie is a bit extreme, but very funny, very enjoyable, and it gets the point across to really get you thinking. I found it enjoyable to take that thought and let my mind run with it. :)

So far, this journey of Living is on a good starting track I do believe. I consider my life primarily black, grey, and white, with flashes of color. I'm aiming to reverse that ratio. Progress is slow, but in the works. I think the objective is to let go. Just loosen your white-knuckled grip on your life for a minute or two and experience how freeing and amazing the feeling can be, and then start trying to do that more and more often with all the opportunities that present themselves in your lives. Let God do the steering... you'll be okay.

Instead of writing more about doing, I think I'm going to get on with it and just DO some things. :) I hope you Live today. My best of encouragement to you!

Cheers!

NCW

D.I.S.C. Personality Analysis

This past Saturday, when Caleb came to visit, Mom had us all sit down and watch a video on D.I.S.C. Personality Types, and I just had to share it and explain more about it, and in general, do some free advertising for the concept, since I am so fascinated in this.

To break things down a little and to explain a bit clearer, Dr. Robert A. Rohm gives a presentation seminar (and we watched this on DVD) on How to Understand Yourself and Others -- A Dynamic Series that will begin your journey to becoming a Great Communicator. He humorously delivers these sessions and reveals how, when we "learn to identify specific temperament types, we can discover people's motivational drives and how to interact more effectively." And I've found that, being enlightened by this some years ago, that it helps me work with people and understand them on an entirely different level.

So, Dr. Rohm breaks down the basic categories of human personalities into four basic groups. The first group is comprised of people with what he calls a "D" personality type, and they are Outgoing and Task oriented. The second type of personality is the "I," which is Outgoing and People oriented. The third group is the "S," which is Reserved and People Oriented. And finally, the "C"'s which are Reserved and Task oriented. So, there is some evenly-distributed overlap here.

Now, I'll explain a bit more about each type, which is the fun part! In the booklet that comes with the DVD, there are some charts and exercises to follow along with the video, and on one of the sheets, Dr. Rohm has six words for each personality type, which describe each type more clearly.

So, someone who is a "D" personality type is usually Dominant, Direct, Demanding, Decisive, Determined, is a Doer, Dictatorial, Dogmatic, Dreamer, Diligent, Dynamic, and sometimes Defiant. Someone who is an "I" is Inspirational, Influencing, Inducing, Impressive, Interesting, Impressionable, Important, Interchangeable, Interested in people, Impulsive, Imaginative, and sometimes Illogical. An "S" personality type is Steady, Stable, Secure, Supportive, Servant, Sweet, Submissive, Shy, values Status quo, Sentimental, finds security in Sameness, and is sometimes a Sucker. And a "C" is Competent, Cognitive, Cautious, Careful, Calculating, Critical Thinker, wants Compliance, Constientious, Correct, Conformist, Consistant, and sometimes Cold. Now, in these four kinds of characteristics that make up a personality, not one is better than the other, nor bad nor good, etc. Simply, different.

And also, very rarely is one person exclusively any one type -- usually they are more of a combination of two or three. And I'll go into that a little later!

Further detail now!

A summary of the "D" personality type :

In a nutshell, they are the leaders in our world. They take the initiative and get the job done. Typically, they stay focused on their goals, they know their minds, and nobody is going to get in the way of their completion of those goals. For example, "D"'s are usually CEO's of companies, and generally just big leaders, such as senators and presidents.

"D" Types Like:

Acitivity, Bigness, Challenge, Competition, Doing Things, Hard work, Major Productions, To be "in charge," To fight, and Violence.

Examples: I work with a "D" type manager. He likes to see progress, and he doesn't easily take no for an answer. He likes telling people what to do, and he likes hard workers. He cannot stand laziness, nor can he stand it when certain employees (including myself, I admit, shamefacedly) who are not consistantly on time for work.

"D" Types:

Can be critical of poorly performed tasks, Complete amazing amounts of work, Need to learn to delegate responsibility, Run roughshod over people, Wrongly believe that approval and encouragement lead to complacency.

"D" Types are:

Goal-oriented, Hard to please, Industrious, Performance conscious, Self-confident, and Firm.

"D" Types DON'T Like:

Indecision, Lazy people, Slow activities, Slow People, Talkers who don't produce, and Taking orders.

"D" Types Want You to be:

Quick, Specific, To the point, and A winner.

STRENGTHS of a D TYPE:

Strong-willed, Determined, Independent, Optimistic, Practical, Productive, Decisive, Leader, and Confident.

WEAKNESSES of a D TYPE:

Angry, Cruel, Sarcastic, Domineering, Inconsiderate, Proud, Crafty, Self-Sufficient, and Unemotional.

UNDER CONTROL ------ VERSUS ------ OUT of CONTROL:

Courageous ------ Reckless, Quick to Respond ------ Rude, Goal-Oriented ------ Impatient, Results-Oriented ------ Pushy, Deliberate ------- Dictatorial, Self-Confident ------- Conceited, Direct ------- Offensive, Self-Reliant ------ Arrogant, Straightforward ------- Abrasive, Competitive ------- Ruthless.

As far as careers that "D"'s thrive in, some examples would be: Administrators, Army Rangers, Athletes, Boxers, Business Owners, Coaches, Developers, Directors, Entrepeneurs, Executives, FBI/CIA/DEA Agents, Fighter Pilots, Lawyers, Leaders, Marines, Motivators, Navy Seals, News Anchors, Police Officers, Private Investigators, Pro Athletes, Producers, Racecar Drivers, Real Estate Developers, State Patrolmen, and Surpervisors.

My maternal grandfather was primarily a "D" type personality, and whenever I think of a D, I think of him. He was football captain and quarterback in college at Yale University, he had friends who went on to be CEOs of companies, and I remember him as a very direct, firm, (but he was my grandpa, so he was certainly loving,) hard working, and determined man. And I've met some "D" types who are on the more intense side. These people can get in your face sometimes, and they DO NOT like being told what to do. It's quite interesting to meet a child with this demeanor... and it seems understandable to wonder how, in the situation where a "D" child has more laidback parents who can't say "No," such sweet parents could have such an unruly child. See how this begins broadening your understanding of people already? I love this....it's amazing to me!

On to the next personality type in the D.I.S.C., which is the "I" type. (I love describing this type the best, I think.)

A summary of the "I" type:

They are the entertainers of our world. They love to be the center of attention, they are FUN, and they absolutely LOVE people!!! They tend to be enthusiastic about EVERYTHING, and whatever book they read last, whatever movie the last saw, well, it was the BEST they'd ever experienced!!! "I"'s are talkers, and they love to know what's going on with people. They are good at lightening up situations when times get serious, and they are bubbly, outgoing, and positive.

"I" Types Like:

Exposure to people, Lots of activity, Making people happy, Making people laugh, Selling...while they play (golf, tennis, etc.), Short-term projects, To be on the go, and Prestige.

Examples: I have lots of friends with strong "I" personalities, and I also have a large percentage of "I." Children with this personality type tend to have trouble focusing on things like school work because they go to school to socialize!

"I" Types...

Can be "higher than a kite" or "lower than a skunk" (and don't ask me why I put that in there -- it's not original -- I'm simply copying out the booklets from the DVD!), Have lots of friends, Need self-discipline, Wrongly believe that talking and doing are synonymous.

"I" Types Are...

Fun to watch, Great starters, Poor finishers, Likeable, Prone to exaggerate, and Easily excitable.

"I" Types DON'T Like:

Being ignored, Being ridiculed, Being isolated (key to know for efficient disciplining when parenting!! Timeouts work for "I"'s!!), and Doing repetitive tasks.

"I" Types Want You to be...

Fun, Responsive, Stimulating, Positive, Upbeat, and Enthusiastic.

STRENGTHS of an "I" TYPE:

Friendly, Compassionate, Carefree, Talkative, Outgoing, Enthusiastic, Warm, Personable, and FUN.

WEAKNESSES of an "I" TYPE:

Weak-willed, Unstable, Undiscipled, Restless, Loud, Undependable, Egocentric, Exaggerative, and Frivolous.

UNDER CONTROL ------- VERSUS ------- OUT OF CONTROL:

Optimistic ------ Unrealistic, Persuasive ------ Manipulative, Excited ------- Emotional, Communicative ------- Gossip, Spontaneous ------- Impulsive, Outgoing ------ Unfocused, Expressive ------- Excitable, Involved ------- Directionless, Imaginative ------- Daydreaming, Warm/Friendly ------- Purposeless.


"I" Types are best at these careers: Actors, Airline Stewardesses/Stewards, Auctioneers, Broadcasters, Car Salesmen, Circus Clowns, Comedians, Entertainers, Interior Decorators, Leaders, Peace Corps Volunteers, Performers, Polititians, Public Speakers, Reporters, Salespeople, Story tellers, Teachers, Telemarketers, and Wedding Consultants.

A good example of the perfect "I" is Lucille Ball. She was a classic entertainer, and she loved making people laugh! Some "I"'s will do anything to get people to laugh at them or think they are funny, which makes them quite entertaining people to be around. A child with this personality type likes to be the center of attention, loves being on stage, whether for a musical performance or for a speech contest or spelling bee -- they thrive in the spotlight, and they crave recognition and a pat on the back. For me, when I was younger, I would do anything to deserve a star on my grammar books or spelling exercises. My mom knew me well and praised me, which encouraged my growth through little prizes that showcased my good work. I was stimulated to do well as a result of praise. And I still am!

The next personality type is the "S."

They are the servants of our world. They are kind and sweet to everyone, they want to please people, and sometimes, they themselves are the last people they think about, which makes them servant-like in nature. On the shy side, an "S" personality likes peace and the status quo, so naturally, they avoid conflict and confrontation. They are very faithful, practical, and dependable, sometimes to the state of being predictable. "S"'s are very steady people.

"S" Types Like:

Peace, Stabilizing things, To wait, Friendly environments, To finish the job, and Teamwork.

Examples: My mom has a lot of "S" in her. She was shy as a child, although she is much more outgoing now, but she likes peace, and loves family time, and having routine. She is a nurse, and enjoys serving other people, especially the family. "S"'s grow up to be those sweet, patient little old ladies that everyone just loves because they're so thoughtful and considerate to everyone.

"S" Types:

Are motivated by helping others, Are seldom in a hurry, Need lots of appreciation, Will support you, Stay with proven methods, and Are sentimental.

"S" Types Are...

Easily manipulated, Reluctant decision makers, The sweetest people in the world, Loyal friends, Poor starters, and Great finishers.

"S" Types DON'T Like...

Insensitivity, Misunderstandings, Surprises, To be yelled at, Sarcasm, or Being pushed.

"S" Types Want You to be...

Kind ("not harsh"), Pleasant, Patient, and Understanding.

STRENGTHS of an "S" Type:

Calm, Dependable, Easygoing, Trustworthy, Efficient, Practical, Conservative, Diplomatic, and Humorous.

WEAKNESSES of an "S" Type:

Stingy, Fearful, Indecisive, Spectator, Self-Productive, Unmotivated, Selfish, Timid, and Shy.

UNDER CONTROL -------- VERSUS --------- OUT OF CONTROL:

Relaxed ------ Lacking Initiative, Reliable ------ Dependent (on you), Cooperative ------ A Sucker, Stable ------- Indecisive, Good Listener ------ Uncommunicative, Single-Minded ------ Inflexible, Steadfast ------ Resistant to Change, Softhearted ------ Easily Manipulated, Systematic ------- Slow, Amiable ------- Resentful.

"S" Types make wonderful Artisits, Chefs, Child Care Workers, Counselors, Customer Service Representatives, Diplomats, Elementary School Teachers, Flight Attendants, Funeral Directors, Homemakers, Librarians, Managers, Meeting Planners, Nurses, Painters, Pharmacists, Planners, Researchers, Secretaries, Social Workers, Teachers, Technicians, Vets, Waiters/Waitresses, and Writers.

I think of the "S" personality as Winnie the Pooh. He never quite knows what he thinks, unless his opinion is presented to him by someone else. He is incredibly loving, very loyal, and quite patient. He adores his friends and would do anything for them, and he also can be shy. For example, can you see how an "S" parent might have extreme difficulty in raising a "D" child? Or even an "I" child? Their peace is found in compliance and sheltered safety of sameness. They are not comfortable in the spotlight such as their "I" child, nor can they stand up for themselves very easily against their "D" child. They want to please everyone!

I must introduce you to a further explanation of the fourth and final personality type: The "C"

They are the philosophers and questioners of this world. They seek the true answers, and always desire to be correct. "C"'s are usually very orderly, sometimes to the ridiculous extent of nitpicky and maybe even OCD. They are highly creative and logical in their thinking skills and ideas. The "C" personality loves to ask questions! And they can be difficult to reason with, because a "C" is ALWAYS right. Consequently, "C" personality types enjoy arguments and debates and figuring things out systematically and thoroughly. They like justice and fairness. They are very bright, gifted, talented, precise, and intelligent.

"C" Types Like:

Consistancy, Creativity, Detail, and Perfection.

Examples: I have a lot of "C" in me. I'm a sucker for detail, which is why I so instinctively end up complicating things, such as using too many words to describe this sentence. I am very creative, and I can be quite a perfectionist about some things. I say SOME because my "I" dominates over that quality of me, in that, I am not precise about everything. Also, my favorite question is "Why?"

"C" Types...

Have good imaginations, Have lots of questions, Tend to irritate people, and Usually have high I.Q.'s.

"C" Types Are...

Impossible to satisfy, Logical, Meticulous, and Self-sacrificing.

"C" Types DON'T Like:

Being criticized, Mistakes, Sudden changes, or Unnecessary interruptions.

"C" Types Want You to be...

Accomodating, Accountable, Accurate, and Analytical.

STRENGTHS of the "C" TYPE:

Gifted, Analytical, Sensitive, Perfectionistic, Aesthetic, Idealistic, Loyal, Self-Sacrificing, and Thorough.

WEAKNESSES of the "C" TYPE:

Self-centered, Moody, Critical, Negative, Rigid, Theoretical, Impractical, Unsociable, and Revengeful.

UNDER CONTROL --------- VERSUS ---------- OUT OF CONTROL:

Orderly ------ Compulsive, Logical ------ Critical, Intense ------- Unsociable, Curious ------- Prying, Teachable ------- Easily Offended, Cautious ------ Fearful, Correct ------- Inflexible, Questioning ------ Doubtful, Conscientious ------- Worrisome, Precise ------- Picky.

Career-wise, "C" types are good Accountants, Architects, Artists, Authors, Bankers, Bookkeepers, Camera Repairmen, Carpenters, Chemical Engineers, Clerks, Composers, Computer Programmers, Consultants, Craftsmen, Dentists, Educators, Engineers, Finishing Carpenters, Glass Blowers, Hospital Administrators, Interior Decorators, Inventors, Lawyers, Librarians, Long-Range Planners, Machinists, Mechanical Engineers, Musicians, Performing Artists, Philosophers, Phyisicians, Pilots, Playwrights, Plumbers, Professors, Scholars, Scientists, Soloists, Specialists, Statisticians, Surgeons, Teachers, Theologians, and Watch Repairmen.

A good example of a "C" would be Sherlock Holmes. He always has a question on his mind, is always evaluating the details of a case, and he pays attention to details, which makes him such a successful detective (and otherwise, we would not have such wonderful stories to read about him.) A "C" thinks about things with a creative twist on it. They love to analyze and question.

So, if you were wondering what my personality type is, it is some blend of "C," "I," and "S." I still haven't figured out which is strongest -- "C" or "I." But I'm finding that, in writing this all out, I believe I have a lot more "I" than I thought!! I know I have plenty of "C," otherwise I wouldn't be as creative or musical or artistic or detailed as I am. And I'm certain that I have a good deal of "I" since I love people and being around my friends and talking with them -- I enjoy my job as a hostess/waitress at a restaurant, since I get to work with people, and I also love having fun and being the center of attention and getting people to laugh and be happy. And I know I have a considerable amount of "S" since I still struggle with voicing my own opinions (but working on strengthening my "C" helps with that!) and such. While I do love being around people, sometimes I really need my alone time, and I know that's where my "S" comes in. I love being with my family and having that sense of security. I'm pretty sure I focus on positive things, since I haven't really mentioned a whole lot that I DON'T like! But, to help you understand even more, in general, I'm a people pleaser ("S"), but I do value justice and the right thing ("C"), and if pushed to my limit, I WILL stand up for myself and those I love (an extreme of "S" when pushed too far). One of the things I value and crave MOST is communication ("I"), and I can be extremely persuasive ("I"), yet I am still secure in who I am now and won't waver easily for things I strongly believe ("S"). I have hardly any "D," and what little I might have buried down there somewhere surely comes from being the firstborn, which is another interesting discussion I'll have to research -- your birth order and how it affects and helps develop your personality.

But that is for another time!

I hope you've enjoyed reading all of this, because it is something that FASCINATES me!! And I hope you have fun breaking down your own personalities and discovering why you are and how you are the way you are, and enjoy evaluating your family and people you know so you can understand them more efficiently!!

It has certainly helped me.

Cheers to you all!!

Natalie

Before anything in March is posted, I had to recount to you a couple special stories which have further thrown me into infatuation with the perfect man I have the honor to call my fiance. The first story happened in January actually, so it is long overdue to have been posted. I'll begin with that, and then move on to my first real Valentine's Day.

It was a pretty ordinary Friday, and I remember specifically that I'd been scheduled for a double (which means I work in the morning 11-2ish and then go back at 4 or 5). I knew that Caleb was taking his test to officially be a stockbroker, and that he was excited to be done with the day. I also knew that he had been planning to surprise me with something over the duration of the past few weeks and that I was going to love whatever it was and that was all I knew.

So, this ordinary January Friday, I got off work around 2:30 and as always, checked my phone for any messages and found that I had one from Caleb. He had passed his test! So I thought nothing of it when he wanted me to call him back (little did I know that he was making sure when I would be home.) I called and we talked for an excited few minutes and then he said he was home and had to go. This is usually normal, but since he had arrived at my house a few minutes before, he didn't want to give any clues with potential telltale audio. So he left off with "I'll talk to you soon." I had no idea how soon....

I was in a great mood driving home. I was done with work for now and was going back, it was sunny out, and even though it was cold, it was just a pretty day and I was happy, and proud of my love for having passed his test. I drove up the driveway and I don't remember anything up until the moment I opened the garage door (the door inside the garage to the house, I mean.) In our house, to get to the kitchen, you go through the laundry room. I opened the door, and gasped.

There was a trail of red rose petals leading from the laundry room into the kitchen. "What in the world?" I wondered outloud. That's when I suspected there was something up, even though I still had no clue he was behind it. I walked slowly into the kitchen, only to behold a large vase of red roses. By then I started looking around, and then found a pinstripe suit hung neatly on the oven door. I recognized that... I touched it and then looked in the opposite direction because I knew Caleb was nearby now. He was peeking around the corner and had been watching me the entire time. A rush of butterflies and that familiar feeling of finally being home washed over me in that first glance. But the surprise wasn't over yet.

Caleb came over and hugged me since I was unable to move. I stood in front of the counter, gazing at the roses and him, and just smiled and he said, "Oh and by the way, you're not going back to work either. I'm taking you to the Symphony tonight, my love." Caleb went on to tell me that his test had been here in Cincinnati, and he had planned it all for a couple weeks. He had even called up my manager to request off work for me that evening. Just that he had planned it all, planned it and been successful at surprising me about it, unveiling everything perfectly, it amazed me, and made me so unspeakably happy, I couldn't even express to him how happy he made me with all of it. "Was that a good surprise, my love?" he asked, smiling. I gave him an exasperated "YES!"

The Symphony was wonderful, as was our dinner following (at PF Chang's). And I can't believe, still, that I am the one who is lucky enough to receive the chivalrous and perfectly romantic wooing of Caleb Wilson.

Valentine's Day was amazing too. We did our celebrating the day after, since it was more convenient, Sunday being our day together as usual, and so I could earn more money by working Valentine's Day rather than requesting it off. I was on the phone with him when he was figuring some things out for my surprise. It was quite fun hearing him say things like, "Ok, well they don't have what I need here, so I'm going to this OTHER store, but of course I can't tell you, my love, but I'm going to see if what they have will be better for this other thing" and "Oh this is going to be perfect! Even better...." and "Ok, I'm in the check out line now, I'll call you back in a minute." It more than piqued my curiosity, and definitely made me excited for the following day.

Sunday was wonderful, starting with Liturgy in the morning and seeing Caleb there, already singing in the choir --perfectly on time when we got there a few minutes late (probably my fault). After church, Caleb and I usually drive back to my parents house together in his car, and sometimes we shop a bit before going home, but today we didn't. As soon as we got to the car, he opened my door for me like he always does, and waiting for me, on my seat was a red card, which was to be the first of exactly twelve to follow. He got in the car while I read the note, and then he handed me a small square box which was tied with red twine. I opened it slowly, with anticipation and wonder at the time and effort I now was beginning to realize that he had put into all of this. Inside the box, nestled in foil was a batch of raspberry white chocolate covered bluberries made by Caleb himself. My foggy understanding of our conversation the previous day began to clear, and I chuckled as I remembered now what he must have been talking about. I tried a few blueberries...unbelievably good. The tartness of the berries was impeccably balanced with the sweetness of the raspberry white chocolate.

Caleb reached down to pull yet another box up from the floor at my feet and place it on my lap. This one was bigger and much heavier. I looked at him with a grin and raised eyebrows. The grin said I love you, and my expression asked What in the world is next? "Go on," he smiled, "open it." I untied the red twine and lifted the lid to reveal none other than a beautiful batch of dark chocolate covered strawberries. "Oh wow..." was all I could say. "Those little devils are double-dipped too!" Caleb added, proudly, looking over at me. I'd never really had good chocolate covered strawberries, from what I could remember. Now I'm glad I haven't, because these will always be first place to my pallate. He had worked at the chocolate concoctions all day Saturday!

Throughout the entire day (and the next, since he was spending the night,) I found red note after red note on my car seat or in funny, random places. He told me later that he had bought a 12-pack of red note cards in case he messed up on my card, and then he decided to use them all. I was slightly disappointed that since his display of affection was so masterfully revealed, I could hardly compete. But Caleb assured me, "Valentine's Day is for the women, my love, so you just let me do everything for you. Today is about you."

We had dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant called Maggiano's which is next to the Cheesecake Factory. We got a filet mignon and four cheese ravioli, both of which were to die for. I hope we go there again sometime!

But in the end, what I remember is not what he gave me, but how he gave it to me.

And that's all for this post. :)

Cheers to all of you!

Random Thoughts of my Piddly Mind

Today marks precisely FOUR months until Caleb and I become Mr. and Mrs. Caleb Wilson!!!!! Today also marks my half birthday (which is of minor importance in comparison); in six months I shall be twenty. Happiness! But onto deeper matters.


I've been meaning to blog for quite some time now and have been bemoaning that fact for an even longer time. Not that I was waiting for this particular day in order to have something of some kind of value to write about (coming upon a nearer fencepost as time inches closer to our wedding, I mean,) but today seemed like it might be one I've been hoping for -- a pensive kind of day.


The morning was somewhat of a whirlwind for me, but that was, I admit, entirely my own doing, having continuously reset my alarm beginning at 7:30 until 10:11, forty-nine minutes before I need to be at work. So, once I saw 10:11 on the clock, I finally started the day and got ready quickly enough to get out the door by 10:45. It worked -- somewhat. I ended up abandoning most of my toasted bagel since I wasn't going to risk getting peanut butter all over my car by finishing it. For me, if I can get out the door within twenty-five minutes of waking up, looking decent, with some makeup, presentable hair, brushed teeth, the right work clothes, and some food in my stomach, the day is going to be just fine. Today was certainly one of those just plain good days.


Work was great. It was long enough that I got what hours I needed, and it was short enough that I passed the time well, with the help of Harry Potter Book 7, expertly stowed away in a drawer. I've made the habit of bringing a book to work for a while now. Whenever people are not coming in the door and there are waiters and waitresses who don't need helping and there isn't much to be done, it serves as a most conventient time-passer.


I do enjoy a good read. But I think I need to organize a book list or two -- the first would be a list of books that I would like to read, the second would be a list of books I need to finish. I believe I am currently reading somewhere around seven books. That looks insane now that I've seen it written out in type, but really, when you put yourself in someone's shoes (such as mine) who not only starts things well, but likes to have a variety, this is undeniably what you get! A reader who starts multiple books and takes forever (IF they outlive the unfinished books) to finish reading them. But I think I should just start being a more conscious reader and decide to finish a book or two at a time before I begin any others. That's really what I should do.


Just a note : This is going to be one random blog post.


I was thinking some more about living in the moment today. As much as I've tried and sometimes acheived this state of mind, I don't think it's been a recent accomplishment of mine. I find myself either thinking of times past or dreaming of the future (understandably too though, I'm getting married people)! Then I thought, ok, I'm going to make a list of the things I'm grateful for and by that, try to think more "presently." So, I have yet to write such a list, but I do believe it will help me become more content. I know BER can relate... :)


I have finally learned that I am far too complicated of a being. My mind thinks in curly-cues and pretzels rather than straight or even oblique lines. I could easily make the excuse that because I am female, I am more complicated (which I do believe is true to an extent), but in all honestly, I like to complicate things, and I think the root of that tendency is because I have a soft spot for details. I tend to miss the big picture when I'm concerned with details though, hence the beauty of the complentary simpler mind, which my wonderful significant other provides.


So those are some thoughts (however scattered they are) that I've had.


Cheers! and may your lives be far less complicated than mine. (That's actually a quote by the mother in the Parent Trap, the remake.)

Oh Procrastination, I Will Conquer You!!

The days of 2008 are numbered, Thanksgiving and Christmas are past, and still, the day taunts my premature hopes of spring with a tantalizing 71 degrees!! What in the WORLD?!?!

Today, I really don't feel like doing anything short of taking a Rip Van Winkle-esque nap. I woke up this morning thirty minutes before needing to arrive at work, and yet again, got in the door a few minutes late. (This is a frequent vice of mine...) So, as today is a double shift day, I am determined to get there not only on time but at least ten minutes early for my 4:00 shift. But really, getting over a cold while having to deal with drowsiness, my ears popping every few minutes, and a perpetual desire to sneeze (which fails to be satiated) doesn't make me anywhere close to being as motivated as I need to be. So, realistically, will I get to work on time? We'll see...

I feel like a useless lump. But oddly, my mind is somehow awake (otherwise, how on earth would I manage to put words together in a somewhat comprehensive sentence?) whilst my body feels heavier than my pitifully yet-to-be-toned muscles can manoeuver. I feel like sleeping but I probably won't. I could use some piano time, but probably won't have the energy to keep up with my own fingers. I wouldn't mind watching a movie, but I'm not sure I feel like it. I should probably help around the house or do something useful, but as I'm here downstairs on my computer shirking responsibility, I'm obviously not doing that either.

Maybe I should just shrivel up and die.

But I don't have the energy for that either. No, I think I'll just sit here and type away, writing in as many ways thinkable to describe how utterly useless I'm being.

I wish I'd gone running this morning when it's this nice out. I wish I could start on the numerous thank-you notes I owe to the wonderful people who thought to give me Christmas present. I wish I could clean the whole house just for my mom to be relieved of that everyday stress. I wish I could bring myself to learn stick-shift so I could drive my own car. And I wish, I WISH I would stop writing about all this, get off my bum, and just freaking DO it.

Motivation. How am I motivated? Sure wish I knew. I'm certainly not the kind of person who does something because they see the reward sparkling in the sun-rayed distance. And sometimes I'm the person who is motivated by the heat of the fire, by pressure, by deadlines. But even then I seem to procrastinate for as long as I can until there's no time left and I'm stranded with the job that still needs to be done while the time I could have used is buried in the past, which was most likely used for a less productive cause anyway.

So how -- in the event of the useless state I'm currently wallowing in -- does one get up and get out of their own little pity party in the day of action? Everyone has exactly 24 hours in a day -- no more, no less. And yet, many people accomplish astoundingly and profoundly more than others who have the very same time that all those motivated people are allotted. How is this acheived?! What is their secret? Is the key in starting the day on the right foot and going from there? Or is it simply being able to pick oneself up again after even the tiniest fall with the determination of trying again until the desired accomplishment is completed? I'm guessing it must be some kind of combination of both.

Some people are good starters, others are good "middlers," and some are good finishers. As for me? I'm an excellent starter. Give me any task, any challenge, any project and I will gladly start it for you. But follow through and finish it until the end? That takes incredible strength for me. Even getting to the middle of something takes a good deal of self-discipline for me. And granted, this trait doesn't apply to everything in my life, thankfully. As far as going through with things in relationships for example, that remains the biggest exception in my personal makeup. In comparison, I couldn't be more serious about my engagement, or more dedicated to the role I will have as a wife and mother.

But concerning comparitively lesser things in the big picture, I'm having a hard time being motivated right now and getting out the door on time is definitely one of them. Procrastination is somewhat of a talent, one could say, that I have unfortunately mastered over the course of my nineteen years. I still have to consciously battle it, and repeatedly, it creeps up behind my back and thwarts me, exhaustingly time and time again. So, I had best conclude this post, which could quite possibly remain as my only December post (let's pray it isn't), and get ready for work an hour in advance so I get out the door on time.

Cheers to all of you!!

Natalie

It's a Girl Thing...

Ok, I know this post won't necessarily apply to everyone (namely, guys,) because I simply can't imagine any guy being as excited as I am over a little pot of hair wax. But for any of the females who read my blog, I had to say that I recently bought this (yes, it's actually a hair WAX) little green pot of hair product (and very inexpensively at a mere $4.16) which does WONDERS for any of you who have wavy or curly hair.

My hair is naturally very wavy, and, if styled correctly, curly. But I've been frustrated with the results my current curl treatment has been leaving me with, since the curls don't stay throughout the day (oh wow, it even rhymes.) And with a somewhat short haircut, now at shoulder length (which is in the process of growing out), I was unsure as to the cause of the lack-of-curl problem. So, I was recommended this hair wax by a girl I work with who has a very similar hair texture to mine, and I decided to try it out.

What I usually do now is scrunch my hair upside down when it's still wet and then again, scrunch it damp with a towel. Then, still upside down, I take about a penny-sized swipe of wax, rubbing it into a film between both hands, and scrunch my hair until the wax is evenly lathered throughout the damp locks. And while it dries (rather, UNTIL it dries,) I keep scrunching at various intervals. Then when my hair is completely dry, I'm left with a head of perfectly shiny (and un-residue-y) tendrils of curly hair!!

I don't think anything excites me in this way as much as cheaply purchased hair products that merit results like this! (Except possibly make-up, but that will be a future post, I'm sure...)

Had to share my enthusiasm -- thanks for reading.

Long live curls!

Cheers!!

Natalie

So, What Is It Like Being Engaged at Nineteen?

Let me tell you....it's certainly not anything I thought it would be! To begin with, I don't see myself as anything different -- for example, the difference between having not been engaged before and being engaged now is entirely indecipherable. I'm the same me! I used to look at engaged women as if they were transformed, in a perfectly lit ray of sunshine all to themselves with their fiance....completely in a different world. What I didn't realize was that it would be as real as it is SURreal.

I love to read and think about quotes. And since being in a relationship (and now being engaged) with Caleb, my eyes have been opened to the astoundingly vast and fathomless world of what it means to love and be loved and to strive with all that you are to live, searching for new and true ways to accomplish Loving by definition masterfully. Just now, I found a quote that I simply could not pass up sharing in this post (as I was, I confess, looking through quotes for inspiration to trigger a new post as I have neglected to write for a very overdue two weeks). It's a simple quote, but very true I think, by an anonymous source.

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

I really like that. (Hah! I have two hearts now!) Maybe that's why infatuation is so strong at first meeting...because your two hearts have never beaten together as one, and it is simply too overpowering for one person to handle the initial encounter at a sensibly-minded level. Maybe I think too much.

On a slightly unrelated note, I've been very frustrated recently (and by recently, I mean in the last few months recently) with people's reactions to discovering my being engaged at 19. I've been most disappointed when people look at me, shrug with a grimace and say something to the affect of, "Have a nice life, I hope everything works out for you." And YES, for goodness sake, I know that not everyone will be as happy about this as I am, but I can't help but blindly hope every single time that people will feel some joy in the same way I do, even though it is humanly impossible. Some reactions (understandably in each case) I've gotten have been anywhere from, "Wow, you're engaged?! That's so wonderful! I'm so happy for you!" to "Gosh, I wish I was engaged..." to "Woah, do you have ANY idea what you're getting yourself into?" to "Why would you do something so foolish?" It's heartbreaking to realize that the people who are most dubious are the ones who have been emotionally broken time and time over again. These are the people I can hardly expect to understand what I have because they have never experienced anything remotely close to how good I have it! (And it could be quite judgemental, not to mention proud, of me to say such things, but I'm speaking from genuine speculation.)

I believe that in striving for a good marriage, one should cleave to one's equal. Or better, you should find someone who esteems you as better than themselves as mutually as you esteem them better than you. It must be an equal relationship as you strive together, iron against iron, sharpening each other into a more beautiful creation than you could ever have endeavored to be on your own. I think that in finding one's own, you first realize how flawed you have lived, how torn and broken and unfinished, until you meet this person who fulfills you, completes you, and makes you whole.

I could never have dreamed I would be as blessed as I am...never. And certainly not by the time I turned nineteen. Last year, at St. John's Orthodox Church Camp 2007, I was preparing to leave for college soon after returning home. It was a huge year for me, but one of the things I finally let go was this inner desire to know who my future husband was going to be. Upon moving to Ohio early in 2007, I'd subconsciously begun wondering (at meeting each and any male even close to my age) if he was The One. That summer, I figured out that what I needed to do most, in order to really let God let "him" find me, was to let go of this restlessness I felt. I succeeded, miraculously. I did. Because little did I know that my (now) fiance was eyeing me in a new light for the first time that summer camp. I couldn't be more grateful that God temporarily blinded me (and especially) during that week so that I missed how Caleb would look at me, or save me for the end (when hugging other campers during camp hugs) so he could linger a second more, or spend more and more time being around me...

If I had known then, I surely would not have been ready for what God was preparing me for. Over the next few months, getting used to college life and keeping up an email correspondence with Caleb, the unignorable feeling started to strengthen, beginning to pulse in the back of my mind, more powerful and noticeable with each coming day I got to know Caleb better -- that gut feeling like he was the one I would inevitably end up with. I don't know quite how to describe it, but it didn't quite surprise me at first because somehow, I'd always known, but never before been aware that I'd known. (Lost any of you yet?)

And also, in a very real way, the feelings I felt at the time were more subdued somehow. I wasn't filled with the feverish excitement that any previous infatuation I'd ever known had consumed me. It was a more....mature feeling. Something I'd never quite experienced before. It was more patient, yet it still pulsed with an undercurrent of burning curiosity. (And by nature, I am quite curious to begin with!) I was dying to know more about him, every chance I could get (which remained governed by the fact that my priorities were forced to be school and practicing at the time, making my leisure time for Caleb Class considerably less lengthy than desirable). Thirsty for knowledge of everything about him, but somehow calm about the timing that the information was revealed to me, and cheered by the fact that (quite obviously) he initiated every advance to discovering more knowledge of me. More and more, as our friendship progressed, the feelings I was just beginning to realize which had always been there were gradually being unearthed, as he dug deeper into the richest soil of my mind with each new question, each new discovery of me, each new fascination. And, as I got to know him better, I was aware that he was breaking down every single wall I had subconsciously and unknowingly built around myself; he crumbled my surrounding fortress, stripping any falseness or facade, leaving me irrivocably exposed and unquestionably me. The real me. So perfect was his pursual that I had no refuge, no warning, but was left to let him know me and love me as the true, vulnerable, absolutely defenseless, but utterly real me. All of me, the good and bad, the sinful and desirable.

In this way, the lesson I began learning then was that in order to be truly loved, one must be truly known. And, likewise, in turn, one must truly know in order to truly love.

And now I can describe as best I can how whole I feel, now I have been found by the one I was created for. In our flaws, I believe (as cliche as it sounds...) that we ARE perfect for one another. We compliment each other. We share common strengths as well as common weaknesses, while also possessing supplimentary weaknesses and strengths. We balance each other out. We share common loves, values, and beliefs.

But the way I feel now is that I have found my place. I feel at home because I know myself through my dearest love. He is home to me. And even when he isn't present, he is always on my mind in some way, mostly in comfort and peace of mind. The knowledge that he is the one for me, and I for him -- this is what I cling to. And now you understand the pain I feel for anyone who cannot see how it is. How I truly know what I'm doing in saying to anyone, "Yes, I am nineteen, yes, I am engaged, yes I am getting married, and no, I will never get divorced like you suspect I will."

How beautiful it is to love and to be loved in loving and being loved by He who made all things!

I don't know how to respond to such people who react in this way. Frustration and defiance and an irrepressible urge to explain to them and force understanding upon them is, shamefully, my first inclination. I just wish that everyone can understand!! But I am learning more and more, that it is a futile wish indeed for any man to see another's life as clearly as he lives it.

I was merely lucky enough to meet the man better than my dreams at an unusually young age. And for that, especially in today's society, one as young as I am is looked upon as naiive and rash, I think. Age really shouldn't have anything to do with it though. The maturity is right. The timing is right. The decison is right. That's all I need. And I am more grateful today than ever that Caleb was able to wait, and that God held him captive to his own blindness so he could not see me in true light until the right time. As Caleb put it, "Any sooner and it would have been illegal for me to even LOOK at you." So, he had to wait to grow a wife! And here I am. Willing and ready, with fear and trembling. Standing to be tried. And challenged to be a good and godly wife.

And that is, to some extent, how I feel being engaged at nineteen...